When Friendship Is One-Sided: Letting Go of Someone Who Was Never Really There
“Finally, I realized that I was never asking too much. I was just asking the wrong person.” ~Unknown
Friendship should nourish the soul. And in my life, for the most part, it has. I have a small, longstanding circle of friends steeped in a long-shared history. We’re basically a real-life, thirty-five-year-long John Hughes film.
However, every now and then, a hornet in disguise has buzzed into my life and stung.
He was one of them. A bad sting.
Love Bombing
Right off the bat, knowing him felt amazing.
I was still reeling from the aftereffects of living with an abusive…
“Finally, I realized that I was never asking too much. I was just asking the wrong person.” ~Unknown
Friendship should nourish the soul. And in my life, for the most part, it has. I have a small, longstanding circle of friends steeped in a long-shared history. We’re basically a real-life, thirty-five-year-long John Hughes film.
However, every now and then, a hornet in disguise has buzzed into my life and stung.
He was one of them. A bad sting.
Love Bombing
Right off the bat, knowing him felt amazing.
I was still reeling from the aftereffects of living with an abusive man who died a few months after I finally got away. Emotionally raw, my nervous system felt like it was covered in third-degree burns being scrubbed with a Brillo pad.
But this new friend? He felt safe. Quiet. Peaceful.
He wanted to see me multiple times a week. He introduced me to his child. We spent time watching TV, going out for drinks and dinner, living in what felt like a comforting routine. His good morning texts became a comfort for my sleepy eyes.
It felt good. Really good.
Until it didn’t.
A Bouquet of Red Flags? For Me?
Small things began happening that just didn’t sit well.
He began to speak ill of others in our mutual friend group. If he’s talking about them like this, what is he saying about me? Then I’d dismiss it. No, Jennifer. He’s a good friend.
Once, when I asked him to repay money he owed me, I received a semi-scathing text accusing me of not being a “real friend,” because “real friends” don’t expect repayment. Am I here to subsidize your income?
You’d think I walked away entirely at that point. No, not quite.
When There’s No Communication, There’s No Friendship
Instead, I drank too much one night and made out with him. (Stop judging me.)
I felt uncomfortable and needed to talk about it. I asked if I could come over for a quick chat. He declined. He was “too busy gardening.”
Right. Gardening. Okay.
The good morning texts stopped. The invitations to hang out vanished.
Days later, I texted, “Are you upset with me? We usually see each other all the time, and I haven’t heard from you.”
His reply: “I’m not upset.” No explanation. No elaboration.
Five weeks passed. Silence. Crickets.
And it hurt—more than I expected. I had let someone
